Thirteen years ago, Amy Chua released Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, a memoir that made The New York Times bestseller list and sparked a worldwide debate about how parents should rear their children. Some lauded the book as a treatise on how to raise children, while others derided Chua’s parenting style as oppressive, even evil. As we’ve worked with several Tiger Moms over the years, we at Ivy Coach were unsure which side of this polarizing debate we would fall onto. As it turns out, Battle Hymn is a mixed bag that is much more complex and much less prescriptive than its popular reception would have you believe.

Amy Chua’s Memoir is Self-Aware and Poignant

Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is no treatise or how-to guide on how to raise children — far from it. That was not the author’s intention. No, Chua’s memoir is just that: an often hilarious (the teeth marks on the piano!) — but not satirical — self-aware, heartfelt, and poignant memoir of raising her two daughters. Chua doesn’t deliver a sermon on how the Chinese parenting style is better than the Western one. If anything, Chua, a child of American immigrants, sincerely describes the internal conflict she faced raising her half-Chinese, half-Jewish daughters in America while hoping to preserve necessary Chinese customs and traditions. She writes in her memoir, “This was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it’s about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeing taste of glory, and how I was humbled by a thirteen-year-old.”

Like many folks who didn’t grow up with Chinese parents, we found Chua’s parenting style extremely intense. But who are we to say that the Western parenting style is better than the Chinese style? Who are we to say that forcing a child to practice the violin for five consecutive hours is too much? More on that in a moment.

Chua writes, “Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.” When put like that, it’s tough to argue with either approach. However, there was one fatal flaw in Chua’s approach we would be remiss not to point out.

How the Tiger Mom Approach Falls Flat in an Age of Anti-Asian Discrimination

While many of us have been sounding the alarm against anti-Asian discrimination in elite college admissions for quite some time, the 2023 SCOTUS case outlawing Affirmative Action put the issue on the map for most Americans. In this era of prejudice, Chua’s parenting style could use a significant update: steer clear of the activities stereotypically associated with Asian and Asian American college applicants and avoid opening the floodgates of discrimination! 

The applicant of Asian descent who played a string instrument, ran track, and excelled in STEM will not wow admissions officers, no matter how disciplined or talented they are. Parents must encourage their children to avoid these activities and forge their unique identities (or at least avoid including these activities on college applications!). A cookie-cutter approach tied to the same narrow set of academic and extracurricular pursuits leads to admissions disadvantages at best and provides cover for anti-Asian racism on the part of admissions officers at worst!

How Ivy Coach Helps a New Generation of Tiger Parents Get Their Kids Into Top Schools

Whether you’re a disciple of Amy Chua or an advocate of your own unique parenting style, you should be armed with the knowledge necessary to avoid anti-Asian discrimination and optimize your child’s odds of admission to a highly selective school. Ivy Coach’s team of former elite college admissions officers will work with you and your child to craft a competitive application oriented around a singular admissions hook that makes them stand apart. Fill out our complimentary consultation form and we’ll be in touch.